Whoops! I Did it Again!

Cedric Benson, the now ex-running back for the Chicago bears, was arrested near Austin, TX, this weekend on drunk driving charges. Benson, who has a hearing later in June stemming from an incident in May where he was allegedly operating a boat while intoxicated, has reached the point where his trouble has surpassed his value for the bears.

Aside from all the usual stuff about how athletes who make it to the national spot light should be grateful as well as they should recognize their responsibility to role model, Benson's decision to act like a goof while still on the chopping block for his last round of goofiness makes him, well...a total goof.

Benson released this statement via attorneys about his weekend arrest:

"I apologize for making the poor decision to drink and drive during the early morning of Saturday, June 7th. Given the incident last month, it was a particularly bad decision. I have no excuse for this lack of judgment. Though I strongly believe that I am not guilty of any crime, I realize that the public and the Bears organization hold me to higher standard. Though my local attorneys will continue to work hard to prove my innocence, I confess to using poor judgment. Please accept my deepest apology."

In response, the Bears said, in effect, "Apology accepted. Now leave." Looking at his mug shot, I can't decide which he seems less; sorry or sober.

Locked in a Vacancy

Read this story from KUTV in Utah...

Woman Calls Orem Police To Free Her From Her Locked Car

It seems this woman found herself locked in her car. See, the battery was dead and...

Oh, just read it!

Piercingly Dumb

Some things I can surmise by looking at this photo:

1. This guy is not a "Frequent Flier".
2. He did not letter in any sports in high school.
3. His resume is only half of one page.

What I can't figure out is how he sleeps.

x

Ptupid!

Not to long ago, I was looking at comments* for a particular video on YouTube, when a read one where the person asserted that he'd "pwned" someone. I made the mistake of correcting their spelling/typing gaff, only to be chastised. You see, this budding MENSA member meant to type it that way.

I realize that this is a sign of my distance from all things hip/cool/now. But the fact that I got tripped up by this "word" is also proof that those of us who attempt to apply logic to the world around us are the true idiots.

As the Wikipedia article points out, the best guess scenario is that this came about as a result of people commonly mistyping "owned" because of the fact that "P" and "O" are next to each other on the qwerty keyboard. I'm sure that the every growing band of morons that have made "texting" such a popular pass-time also had a hand in it*. (The term "texting", by the way, doesn't pass the spell checker anywhere. What can we expect. When we arbitrarily decide to turn a noun into a verb things don't always go smoothly.)

People these days have done a full 360 from where I remember things being when I was younger. The big issue back then always seemed that kids tried to be like everyone else. I can remember my parents saying, "Be yourself!" when I would do something to emulate my contemporaries. Today the motive seems to be the opposite. People wast to prove that they are different at all costs. Think about it for a moment and I'm betting you can think of at least one person whose every move if motivated by a need to stand out and seem anti-ordinary. I know a bunch of them.

The concept that a type-o would be embraced by people as a cool thing to do make me want to weep for us as a species. Go ahead. Disgust yourself. Search "pwned", or "pwnd" on Google and see just what you find.

*Unless I miss my guess, both "comments on YouTube" and "texting" will be topics found on this blog in the future.

Nano Noodles

In a story under the heading "innovation" MSNBC is reporting a breakthrough of epic proportions, if not epic portions. Japanese Scientists have created the world's smallest bowl of ramen noodles.

Please. Hold your applause.

Using microscopic nanotubes, coupled with an amazingly odd set of priorities, scientists from the former "Empire of the Sun" have finally devised a meal that has less actual sustenance than a SubWay™ FreshFit™ meal.

In a related story, Chinese officials are rethinking the all-you-can-eat-buffet export program.

Earbud-Heads

Is there anything in the world that says, "I'm an ass!" in the efficient way that cell phone ear-pieces do? Like almost everything else, there are time and places when these gadgets are appropriate if not downright necessary. For instance the busy exec with both arms full of embezzled billions can't hold a cell phone. Nor can the over caffeinated speedster during his/her rush hour commute.

But what about the suburban dad who's sitting in the Arby's of the local mall, brats in tow, scarfing down a Big Montana and obviously not talking on the cell phone , who still insists on wearing this little self-important accessory as though the President might call at any moment and freeing up a pudgy hand to hold a phone to his ear is just not in the cards? How about that geeky I.T. fidget that roams the office building? He's got a Mountain Dew in one hand and must keep the other free to continually pull the wedge out of his butt. He's got an ear-piece, too. The only real mystery is which of his three visible, displayed-on-his-belt-under-his-flabby-gut phones that it works with.

You know what else? Search Google for "cell phone earbuds" and you'll see that they have new models that are designed to go unnoticed. I'm betting that this technological breakthrough will prompt the tools mentioned about to take them out of their ears in conspicuous ways.

Heard on "The Herd"

Colin Cowherd, host of "The Thundering Herd" on ESPN Radio weekday afternoons, will undoubtedly be a frequent attraction on "Now That's Just Dumb!" I've been listening to him long enough to be unsurprised by some silly things that come out of his mouth, case in point, this afternoon when talking about his weekend:

"I took my daughter ice skating this weekend. She took a spill and I asked her if she wanted some ice. It stuck me as odd because if someone cuts themselves with a knife, you never say, 'Hey, can I get you a knife?' But when someone falls on the ice, we offer them ice."

Admittedly, that is paraphrased, not actually quoted. But I promise you that if you find the audio you'll hear something very, very close to that. The meaning, whatever the heck it is, is unchanged.

All Ah-Gassed!

This is a real story about someone I really know. Hope I get to hear the who story someday.

SUNBURY - A Northumberland man was arrested Tuesday after allegedly causing a disturbance in Sunbury. Police were called to Weis Markets where they found 39-year-old [Name Removed] causing a disturbance, reportedly over a gas reward promotion.

[The man] reportedly attempted to break the rules of the contest and
refused to leave when asked to by employees. He also failed to follow directions
of officers. Yucha was charged with disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing.
Charges were filed before District Justice [Name Removed].

I knew it was only a matter of time before those gas prices drove someone over the edge.

Inspired Creation

Over this past Memorial Day Weekend, I heard two very dumb things uttered.

First, when this friend expressed that she didn't know what to take to a picnic the following day, someone suggested she cut up a watermelon. The friend answered:

"I don't want to sound dumb, but I don't think I know how to do that."

That was dumb inspiration #1.


The husband of that same friend, during a discussion about childhood obesity (just the topic for a picnic) said of Kool-Aide:

"Sugar isn't the issue with those drinks, it's the calories."

Evidently, he believes that Kool-Aide gets its calories from fat.

Either way, these two incidents reminded me that common sense is anything but common and there is a lot of dumb to go round. So...